it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize