i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
