How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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