whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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