i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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