I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
