you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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