so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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