I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
