Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
