Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
