How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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