I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
