Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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