Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
