I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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