god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
