I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
