oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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