I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
