After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
