my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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