no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
