So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
