Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
