Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
