Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
