there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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