You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
