mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
