the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
