hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
