i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
