The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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