then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
