if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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