i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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