omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
