I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
