Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
