I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize