the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
