so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
