I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
