69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
