My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
