dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
