Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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