Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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