Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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