Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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