every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I supernannyed him into submission
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
