I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize