I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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