You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
