How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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