there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
