you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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