We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
