It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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