Just cropdusted the office
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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