I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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