I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
