I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
