Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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