i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
