Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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