Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
