I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
