I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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