Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
