I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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