Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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