Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
