after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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