i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
