wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
