I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
