Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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