The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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