the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
