ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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