its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
