is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
