hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
