i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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