I hate your face
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
