"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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